Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
