I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
