Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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