I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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