All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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