There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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