You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
