Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
