Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
