If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
