I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
