You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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