Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
