We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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