I'm gonna have a badass scar
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
