my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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