don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
