The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
