I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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