So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
