ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
