Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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