I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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