Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
