i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
