She's like a pop up book from hell.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
