Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize