chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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