Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
