i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
