Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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