I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
