i jhust puked up my retainher.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
