You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
