Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
