i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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