sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
