how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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