He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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