i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
