So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
