Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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