Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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