when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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