Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i dont even know how to be here
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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