I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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