Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
