If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i now understand why vodka
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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