Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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