Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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