That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
of course. lets lasso hookers.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
